Anya
by applemysteries
Summary: I changed this story to be a one-shot, getting rid of the previous chapters. Anya's mind through The Gift. Xanya.


Disclaimer: Remember how Joss owned all the right before? Well, no big shock he still does… :)

Warning: Sigh… um, not really anything so...

Oh, and side note I am finally following my sister and Nicole's advice and putting a new paragraph for each chapter… :)

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"Xander, this wasn't helpful. At all."

"Really? I feel relaxed-"

"We just had sex! Quiet, sex, while the world is about to end. How can you feel relaxed?"

"Because at least-"

"Don't say 'one last time!' There is always another time."

"Then whats wrong?"

"Gah! Because they're might not be a next time! Xander, I'm so worried that you'll get hurt, and then, I'm worried that I'll get hurt or that, even worse, both of us will get hurt! Then I get all this guilt because I'm not worrying about everyone else all that much, but I don't have that much room, and it's not fair! I was only here for you, and now, I'm here for Giles, Buffy, Spike and everyone. And I have no idea _why_."

"Anya, nothing happened. Besides, I thought you enjoyed all sex…"

"I do! Usually, but… I don't know. Xander whats happening?" _Oh god, I'm changing. I can feel it. It's a whole new me. Whats next, I'll do myself in for the greater good? No… I'll never go that far. I can be here to help but ultimately I want to live. _

"Anya, nothing's happening. People change all the time."

"Not me! I don't! I've been alive for a thousand freakin' years! I don't change!" Xander stared at me, surprised by my outburst. I looked down. "I'm not supposed to change. I don't change."

"Everybody changes Ahn…"

"Not a thousand year old demons!"

"But humans do. Your not a demon anymore, your human now, humans change."

"Well, that's stupid! It's stupid and it's… so mortal. So _human." God, why does this bother me so much? I did change as a demon… not killing Giles when he called me… why do I even bother pretending? I was changing… into what, I didn't know. But why? Was it love… could love really change you that much? _

"Anya, it's okay really, everyone changes. Demons, humans, vampires…"

"I know… it's just… new. I've… I've never changed this way before, and what if it's all for nothing? What if Glory sucks all in to hell tonight and all those changes just make me more vulnerable? Unable to protect you?"

"Anya… you don't have to protect me..."

"Yes, I do! If I don't who will!? Giles is trying to protect Buffy, Buffy is trying to protect Dawn, Spike is trying to protect both Buffy _and _Dawn, Willow is trying to protect Tara, and neither Tara or Dawn can to anything because Glory kidnapped Dawn and Brainwashed Tara! I hate to say it, but the odds aren't in our favor. nobody is protecting either of us, so were both most likely going to die. And, if we do… if I do… I want it to be protecting you."

"Anya, nobody is going to die. Me and You, we will live. And to prove it to you… Anya, will you marry me?" _He's asking me to marry him?! What the hell does he think I'm going to say! What I'm a going to say? At least I'll have something to look forward too. But if he's so sure the world won't end then why don't we wait? And see if it doesn't. _

"No."

"No?"

"No. I'll marry you when the world doesn't end."

*****

(Later) "Xander!" _I collapsed to the ground, having pushed Xander out of harms way, causing myself to get hit by a built of lighting, a pile of bricks fall on me. I was doing my best to protect him, If I had to choose any one person to walk away, it would have to be him. At least Xander had to live through this. But… in all honesty, shouldn't everyone else get to live too? Secretly, isn't that what I'd been hoping to accomplish? Running _towards_ Glory, instead of away from her, trying to save Dawn. Coming up with all this plans to _fight_ a hell god, instead of making plans to run away, and then saying no to Xander in an attempt to save everyone, when I know deep down that were all going to die. What happened? _

"Anya! Ahn, are you okay?" _is he mental? _

"Xander, don't stand there-" _I tried to push him away, but I was to weak, and then I stopped trying, Xander crouched down beside me, and I stayed fixated on the body flying through the air. The second the body hit the ground I closed my eyes, and tried my best not to start crying. There was no way, anyone, anything could survive that fall. I heard Xander turn around, and I willed myself to open my eyes. I had seen death all the time. I had caused most of it. This was nothing. This was just one dead body. One dead girl. _

"No… no…" _I reached out and grabbed his arm, I wish I could have said something reassuring, but I was to afraid that if I opened my mouth I would start crying and never be able to stop. I was hardly even aware of the fact that Xander had picked me up, and was carrying me closer to the body. As we got closer I was paralyzed with fear. I didn't want to get closer to the dead body… because it wasn't just a dead body. It was Buffy's dead body. And then I couldn't help it, I was overcome with anger, and grief. Why was this happening to good people? What had she done? She'd tried to help people, save there lives, save the world. And this is how they re-payed her. _

"At least the world didn't end." _I whispered, only to Xander. Attempting to be my usual tactless self. But my resolve didn't work, and I turned away from Buffy's body, into Xander's shoulder and began to cry. Because in so many ways it had. _


End file.
